hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize