Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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