At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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