Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
