i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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