I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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