I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
