He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
