So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
