I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
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