I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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