Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
