Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we're making bets on your personal life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
