it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
