the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
