When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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