I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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