He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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