Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
