She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
