i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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