Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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