Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
