i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
