I'm jealous of your bromance
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
