Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
