Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
