He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
