Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
