stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
