Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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