just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
