I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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