Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
