when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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