Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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