I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
