Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
