We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
