Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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