Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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