They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
