he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i will never coherently bang her
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
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new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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