We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
