Well douche your snatch and let's go!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
