i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
