I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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