yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
