jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
