Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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