When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Even my vagina gasped.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
