My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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