what if I'm pregnant?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning