woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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