I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...