You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.