Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
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What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".