I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
