Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
