If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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