Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
