guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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