So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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