my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it glows. i had to have it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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