and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
