At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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